Dont Believe In Love
by DementedViper
Summary: Slash, Mentions of Abuse. KirkBones. 'Love was just a stupid emotion, it was not real it was a compound of chemicals firing in the brain, sending signals'. SongFic!


**Disclaimer:** I so do not own Star Trek or anything related, nor do I own the song.

**Warnings:** **Slash, Possibale Offending words (No offence meant), Implied abuse.**

**A/N:** This is part of a challenge I am doing with _LoveWithoutLimits. _We both put our iPods on shuffle and chose the first 5 songs it came up with. This is my song (cringes at the fact i actually have this in my playlist, its my mums I swear) **Don't Believe In Love by Dido**

**A/N2: Unbeta'd **

**A/N3: Switches POV twice.**

_Italic - Lyrics_

_**Bold**UnderlinedItalicyStuff_ - Flashback type thing

* * *

**Dido – Don't Believe In Love**

_I wanna go to bed  
With arms around me  
But wake up on my own  
Pretend  
That I'm still sleeping  
Til' you go home  
_

As much as he hated to admit it, Captain James T Kirk loved to sleep in someone's arms. But not just anyone's arms, only one person's arms. The only problem was, he did not like waking up in those arms. Whilst they made him feel safe, they reminded him of everything that was 'wrong' with him. It had taken a while, but the owner of those arms had slowly started to realise that Jim would pretend to be asleep until he was alone in his room in the morning.

_Oh  
I can't look at you  
This morning  
I should probably have a sign  
That says  
'Leave right now or quicker'  
You've overstayed your time_

It annoyed him to no end that Jim was so...insufferable! Yet, he could not help but love the stupid idiot. He could not get his mind off the man, his Captain, his superior in everything but bed. Honestly, the man had _serious _issues, and not for the first time did he consider asking for a psychologist ("We are not having a _Shrink_ on this ship!") for the crew, mainly the Captain. He could not make it any more obvious that The-Morning-After was never to happen. It hurt, it did, but he would never risk the times he has to watch _His_ man sleep.

__

If I don't believe in love  
Nothing will last for me  
If I don't believe in love  
Nothing is safe for me  
When I don't believe in love  
You're too close to me  
And that's why  
You have to leave

_Maybe I slept peaceful  
On your shoulder  
Your arm warm around my side  
But it's different now  
It's morning  
And I can't face your smile  
_

He loved the comfort he got out of sleeping with _that_ someone, he was nice to curl up to and he was comfy to sleep on. But he hated the smile that he got when they passed in the halls, it was full of love and understanding and he did not deserve that, it had been made quite clear to him when he was a kid that anything he touched he tainted.

_The second that I feel  
Your safe hands  
Reaching out for mine  
I slip away and out of sight  
You've over stayed your time  
_

As much as he wanted to Jim just could not allow himself to trust his lover. Whenever they lay together afterwards all he could think of was the words of his stepfather. He never wanted to hurt his lover, but...Bones deserved more then to be tainted by him, to fall into the freakish world of Fag Freaks.

_If I don't believe in love  
Nothing is good for me  
If I don't believe in love  
Nothing will last for me  
When I don't believe in love  
Nothing is new for me  
Nothing is wrong for me  
And nothing is real for me  
_

If he did not love Bones, his CMO would never be hurt, would never leave him, would never be hurt by him. Moreover, he, as always, would just be sex.

_When I don't believe in love  
Why do you care for me?  
When I don't believe in love  
Nothing is real for me  
If I don't believe in love  
You're getting too close to me  
And that's why you have to leave  
And that's why you have to leave_

Love was just a stupid emotion, it was not real it was a compound of chemicals firing in the brain sending signals. So why did Bones still care? Care enough to sit with him and stroke his hair whilst he slept, or whimpered as the case many times had been. Why did he care enough to look after the tainted freak that deserved every scar his body held and hid? Jim just could not understand it

_If I don't believe in love  
If I don't believe in love  
If I don't believe in love  
Nothing is left for me  
If I don't believe in love  
You're too good for me_

"_**BOY! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT YOUR QUEER WAYS!" **__The impact with the wall hurt more than the punch to his face and then his gut.__** "YOU ARE NEVER TO EVEN LOOK AT ANOTHER MALE! YOU WILL BE NORMAL AND YOU WILL FUCK GIRLS! AND EVERYONE OF THEM WILL BE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THEN YOU! TAINTED QUEER FARIY FAG! NOW GET TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE!"**_

"Jim?" James jumped and looked up at the worried Bones; the Bridge was empty except for the two of them. "Spock came to get me, said you were not 'with it'. What's wrong?" James blinked before smiling

"Just thinking about you in bed last night, you're great you know that?" Bones swallowed "But...I've moved on to someone better" Bones felt his world swim and swirl as he realised what Jim was saying.

"I...have to go" he rushed out and missed the tear filled blue eyes.

"_You're too good for me_"

* * *

**BuHDaHBiNg BuHDuHBooM!**


End file.
